I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
