I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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