So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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