am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
