I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize