I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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