Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
