is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize