We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
