I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
