You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
