2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
