A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
