So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
