I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
