I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
sex in a hospital.. check
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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