she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize