Apparently you make a good broom.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
