went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
