I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
