We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
