I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
two words...techno handjob
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
