I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
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