i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
This is the high leading the old right now
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
