Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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