her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
