This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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