Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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