if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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