I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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