Porn is love you can see.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
