Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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