I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
