His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
