I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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