I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
