Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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