so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Bring me that man meat
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
