I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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