You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
