The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
