I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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