i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
