everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I can't put those talents on a resume
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
