no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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