I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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