When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
