So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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