I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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