I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
