Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
