drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
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No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
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For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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