Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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