I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
