Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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