this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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