he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
