Those balls look pretty dangerous.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
