The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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