Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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