So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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