I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
