4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
