I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
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The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
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If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize