my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
you had me at cake vodka
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
