I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
