Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
