remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
