i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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