I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
