i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
