Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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