I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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