i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Of course I have a pirate flag
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
