I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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