I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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